Script for CHRISTMAS PARTY (an audio puzzle)

Ambient uncrowded party sounds throughout.  Voices are all easily distinguished one from another, and whether a man or woman is speaking.
Banter is broken into 4 sections, to be played at different listening stations.  These can be broken up further, or combined, as needed.

(Each conversation appears on a different page.)
ALFRED:	mousy, blinks a lot
CHARLIE:	smug, mischievous
KIMBERLY:	chipper, almost manic
NICOLE:	bored, eye-roller
ULYSSES:	stuffy, paternal, good-natured

(Revision Jan 19 by Sean: recombined into 4 sections, put names with speech for ease of actor reading instead of solving on paper.)
(Current Revision Jan 26 by Dave, incorporating Sean’s playtest comments)

CONVERSATION 1
KIMBERLY: 	So, some faculty Christmas party, huh?  Feels like I've done this a thousand times before.
CHARLIE:	I know what you mean.  The same idle chit chat, with the same people, over and over and over again.
ALFRED:	Though, really, when it comes to these parties, I don’t really care for hobnobbing with anyone but the four of you.
NICOLE:	I think we all feel pretty much the same about that.
ULYSSES:	Well, it’s not surprising that we’d end up hanging out together literally all night, since our classrooms are all in the same hallway.
KIMBERLY:	You mean that plain stark hallway, with classrooms numbered 1 through 9, with the odd numbers in order on one side and the even numbers in order on the other side?
ALFRED:	Well, have you noticed that each of our classrooms is both adjacent to, and on the same side of the hallway as, at least one other of our classrooms?
KIMBERLY:	So, you mean, like, we’re each essentially a next-door teaching neighbor of another one of us?  I guess that’s right. 
ULYSSES:	So, Dr. Harrison, how does it feel to have 2 people in this group as your so-called next-door teaching neighbors?
CHARLIE:	Oh, come on, Ulysses, you can call me by my first name.  You can be a little more dynamic with me, even though I don’t actually teach Thermodynamics, like someone in this group does.
[Annoying watch beep, same as occurring in Conversation 3.]
NICOLE:	What was that?  Oh, nice watch, but annoying sound.
 [About 5 seconds of just ambient sound, then repeat from beginning.]

CONVERSATION 2
[Loud champagne cork pop]
NICOLE:	Hey, careful with that champagne!  You grazed the side of my head!
[Short pause, to be clear that NICOLE is not necessarily talking to ALFRED]
ALFRED:	Well, after that little bit of excitement, what’s an interesting topic of conversation?   Kimberly and Nicole teach in consecutively numbered rooms.  That’s kind of interesting, isn’t it?
CHARLIE:	Not really, Alfred, not any more interesting than the fact that one of the five of us teaches Endocrinology.  But by all means, Alfred, keep trying.
KIMBERLY:	Oh, come on.  Be nice!
ALFRED:	Well, each of us has their break during a different period -- first, second, third, fourth, and fifth.  That’s something, right?  And, actually, I’ve noticed that no one has their break during a period that’s the same number as their classroom number, or even during a period that’s exactly one number away from their classroom number.
NICOLE:	Hey, while we’re making fascinating observations, I’ll add that only one of our room numbers can be evenly divided, without remainder, by another of our room numbers.  But doesn’t anyone have anything more interesting to talk about?  (short pause)  No??  Ok ... does anyone else find it interesting that both Dr. Peterson and Dr. Landau, apart from their standing next to me at the moment, teach in higher numbered rooms than Charlie?
ULYSSES:	No more or less interesting than the fact that the Isomorphisms teaching break immediately follows the Robotics teaching break.
CHARLIE:	Speaking of breaks, someday you’ll have to tell me, Dr. Iverson, how you feel having your break right after the Spectroscopy break period? 
NICOLE:	Yes, it must be difficult to follow the Spectroscopy break, knowing the Spectroscopy teacher’s famous credo -- say it with me everyone:
ALL: 	“I do not own a watch!”  [mild laughter]
CHARLIE:	Well, look at that, I do believe we’ve made our Spectroscopy friend blush.

CONVERSATION 3
[Annoying watch beep, same as occurring in Conversation 1.]
KIMBERLY:	Hey, can someone help my figure out how to silence this thing?  I’ve learned that it bothers some people.  Does anyone else have that problem with their watch?  No?  Oh.
CHARLIE:	Does anyone here think it means anything that Dr. Campbell’s room number is higher than Dr. Peterson’s room number?
KIMBERLY:	You know, as far as rooms go, someday I’d sure like to move into Room 8.  I think it’s a little bigger than the other rooms.
NICOLE:	Ooh, I agree.  I’ve been hoping to move into Room 8 someday as well.
ULYSSES:	Why not be happy with what you’ve got?  Me, I’m perfectly fine where I already am, teaching in a room with a number less than 6.
ALFRED:	Hey, I read in the school newspaper that the administration is thinking about changing the current Robotics break period to an earlier period in the day.  Has anyone heard anything about that?
NICOLE:	I haven’t.  But does anyone wonder whether a shake-up in the schedule could maybe affect Charlie, who’s always complaining that his break does not occur during period 2 or 3, and that he therefore never gets to watch his favorite soap opera?
KIMBERLY:	You know what I like about our little quintet here?  The men all sound like men and have manly names -- Alfred, Charlie, and Ulysses -- and the women all sound like women and have feminine names.  Isn't that refreshing Dr. Campbell?
NICOLE:	It sure is, Kimberly.

CONVERSATION 4
ALFRED:	Hey, Isomorphisms teach!  What time is it?  What?  Oh, you forgot your watch at home?  OK, thanks anyway. 
KIMBERLY:	Hey, everyone, Dr. Landau here almost took out someone’s eye tonight with a champagne cork!
ALFRED:	Ooh!  Any more juicy gossip going around?
ULYSSES:	Well, (clears throat) now that I’ve got a few glasses of wine in me, I guess I can mention that earlier today I overheard where the “super secret” master locker code is kept.
NICOLE:	Nice air quotes on “super secret.”
CHARLIE:	Go on, spill it!
ULYSSES:	Well, I'm not going to just tell you, but perhaps you'll be interested in this remarkable coincidence I just noticed. Do you know what a tetragram is?  It's a group of four letters.  Well, let's say I decided to make a tetragram consisting of my two initials, followed by the first letter of the subject I teach, followed by the letter within the subject I teach that corresponds to my room number.  And now let's say all four of you formed a similar tetragram using your own information -- initials, first letter of the subject you teach, and letter of the subject you teach corresponding to your room number.  It's quite an impressive coincidence, but those five tetragrams, arranged in a particular order that we all follow every school day, describe where to find the master locker code.
KIMBERLY:	Holy moly, how did you ever figure that out??
ULYSSES:	(chuckles)  You just have to look at things in the right (ahem!) FRAME, my dear.  Stick around long enough and you just might learn something, eh?
KIMBERLY:	How about we just say Merry Christmas, and here's to a wonderful future!
[They all say "Hear, Hear," or "Good idea," or words to that effect, and clink glasses.]